Painting Emotional Pains Away: A search for Inner Peace
About the author
Ndoda Mnguni was born on the 29th September 1969 in Vosloorus, South Africa, and grew up in KwaZulu-Natal where he attended both Primary and High Schools. He obtained a BA degree (1991), Higher Diploma in Education (1992) and MA degree in Social Policy (2006) from University of KwaZulu-Natal, South Africa. As arts and culture educator as well as founder of Lethithemba Skills Development Organization, he is involved in promoting art and environmental education in Township Schools. Through his involvement in community projects he was nominated Overall Winner of the 2002 Mayor’s Award for Excellence on Wealth and Job Creation Category.
He has written three books, of which two focus on how art might be integrated in the learning area of Life Orientation. The books are entitled: Art and Life Orientation: Making Creative Connections (ISBN-978-0-620-40052-7) and Making Creative Connection: The meaning behind art (ISBN-978-0-620-40054-1). The books are illustrated with exciting paintings and drawings by learners. And the other book: The value of Arts Partnerships in Schools: The case of Arleys and Lethithemba organisations (ISBN-978-0-620-40053-4) provides case studies of the value of art partnerships.
He has also partnered with Musa Zulu, the Creative Director of Valhalla Arts in teaching art amongst challenged children; Ekuthuthukeni Special School is one example where art teaching culminated into an exhibition that was held at Umlazi Cinema Hall in October 2009.
Artist’s statement
I live at Umlazi Township and work at Swelihle High School which is in the Province of KwaZulu-Natal, South Africa. As full-time art educator, I paint in my spare time. I’m self-taught painter, mainly painting my own interpretation of idealised or abstract landscapes using mixed media such as acrylic on masonite or canvas, river sand as well as hair extensions to represent nature. I have also used unusual materials such as hair extensions in some of my paintings. While hair extensions are soft and silky, they create rough but beautiful texture when pasted and painted onto the canvas. I don’t strive to represent recognisable landscapes, rather to create my own world. I’m inspired by the beauty of nature, especially massiveness and beauty of the sky. Interestingly, there aren’t any people or animals in my landscapes. It’s a kind of dream world.
Since it’s my ambition to discover a new colour, I love to play around with various colours, thus breaking the rules somewhat to fulfill my desire. I use bright colours as a means of artistic expression emphasising its decorative or emotional effect. I also use colour as a means of capturing my fantasies. At the end of the day I find painting elevating my spirit. For the viewers of my paintings, I hope they also get elevated or even create their own poems to the paintings.
PREFACE
My decision to embark on a project of writing this book was first and foremost prompted and inspired by my personal experience discovering how, in the process of art making, art can play an important therapeutic role in ones life. The project of art making began in 2009 in conjunction with a series of counseling sessions with my psychiatrist. It should be emphasised that the aim was to be expressive, rather than to produce artistically correct paintings. It just turned out that in the process of art making the product became authentic and appreciated. At some point in my life I found myself overwhelmed by a number of problems which were difficult to face by myself. At age 14 my mother passed on and this took a toll on the family. I only discovered recently that her death left uncured emotional scars. This was followed by deaths of my three brothers. The most devastating fate to have fallen on me was a divorce with the mother of my two sons in 2005. I had recurrent feelings of worthlessness, guilt, helplessness, and hopelessness. I lost all interest in life in general and became withdrawn from creative activities. Alcohol became my place of refuge in order to suppress feelings of anger and guilt. However, my problems didn't just disappear. There followed episodes of depression.
I had to take a decision to go for counseling. Thanks God it was not too late, but I was close to a breaking point. Then a long journey began with my psychiatrist. Like a child learning to walk, she took me one step at a time through the healing process. It came to light that I had been suppressing feelings of loss and hurt for more than a decade. Had I received professional counseling after a series of painful and hurtful events I wouldn’t have been in the mental and emotional state into which I found myself. I learned a valuable lesson that it’s vitally important to vent out in a positive way.
Counseling sessions were complimented by art making at home. I used the garage for my studio. To a larger extent, both sessions contributed a great deal towards healing and management of bouts of depression from which I suffered. As art educator, painting was an immediate outlet to do something worthwhile. I kept painting, painting and painting. The next thing I knew, I had made more than thirty paintings over two years in my spare time. Some of the paintings had been bought by family members, friends and neighbours. This was a bonus and I was further encouraged to refine my skills in painting. In the process I was consciously or unconsciously was continuing where my psychiatrist had left off; that’s helping me deal and manage depression.
I became overwhelmed by the extent of the body of my collection. My paintings depict the journey of my mental and emotional healing processes from 2009-2011. Then an idea of writing a book about using art as a tool of dealing with and managing depression from my own personal experience was hatched. I've always wanted to write a book about my life, so I began writing. The book features my paintings that reflect on my past and present life as well as my hopes for a bright future. The collection is a combination of idealised landscapes and a dreamlike world of my own. I mainly painted in bright colours that are pleasing to my emotions. This gave me the opportunity to work with colours without any restrictions. I have also made collages that represent my life and feelings at different times of my life.
I hope this book will inspire everyone seeking inner peace and motivate them to explore other ways besides art making as a tool of dealing with and managing stress or whatever life’s challenges they may face
Beginning to create
In order to embark on my journey painting my pains away, I had to find a quite space I would be using as my studio. The garage happened to be a perfect choice. Because I love to play around with various colours, it was natural to do paintings which I did either on board or canvas. I can’t emphasise enough the joy of playing around with various colours and the emotional benefits of creative expression. The paintings entitled ‘Joy of Painting’ capture the mood of joy. In most of my paintings I have deliberately used black paint to depict the feeling of depression.
Joy of Painting, 2009. Acrylic on canvas.
Joy of Painting, 2009. Acrylic on canvas.
In the process of art making I would set aside some time to do introspection or meditate. The whole exercise resulted in my decision to do the following self-portraits.
Self-portrait, 2009. Acrylic on canvas.
Self-portrait, 2009. Acrylic on canvas.
Incorporating some of my photographs that are associated with feeling a sense of pride, and accomplishment helped me to reconnect with myself. These photographs were key emotional events in my life. Consequently, I began to slowly develop a positive mental attitude. Graduation photographs rekindled a fighting spirit and strong desire to strive for a better life. Most importantly, I developed a deeper understanding of myself; hence I made the paintings entitled ‘Reflections.’ This painting is reminiscent of my attempt at modelling, but I decided to pursue a teaching career.
Reflections, 2011, Acrylic with artist’s photographs on board.
Detail
Detail
Reflections, 2011, Acrylic with artist’s photographs on board.
Detail
Detail
In Zulu social and cultural life, ukhamba (a medium vessel) which is used to serve Zulu beer is still used on occasions such as weddings, funerals and when performing ancestral rituals among other things. It’s a normal practice for some of us to turn to the ancestors when we are faced with certain problems. Painting these vessels makes me feel reconnected with my ancestors in some degree. When I’m painting and thinking about my cultural roots I feel like I’m entering into some spiritual world. Zulu vessels are part and parcel of my tradition that has been passed down from generation to generation. They are a core of who I am. By utilising sand I created a rough texture depicting a feeling of being disconnected from my culture.
For me, a broken ukhamba symbolises a sense of being without roots. The tree can’t survive without its roots. A broken ukhamba also symbolises a lost nation that has broken its ties with its source of origin.
In the process of dealing with day-to-day challenges of the world we live in, I use brush and paint to retreat into my little world of fantasy in which I enjoy painting whatever my heart desires. Whatever the subject-matter, brush and paint give me absolute power and liberty to go on a voyage of discovery.
My heart’ desires, 2011, Acrylic on board.
The paintings entitled “A Lonesome Road” reflect on some periods when I would feel forlorn and isolated. Although I sometimes enjoy being left alone, you feel secluded when you are trying to reach out and shunned. Like a lone ranger on patrol, it feels disconcerting to be swallowed up by the chill of loneliness.
It’s the very chill of solitude that is captured in the paintings “A Desert Landscape”. Some of us have in some way felt being deserted or left in an uninhibited land to die a slow death. This often occurs in time of need.
A Desert Landscape, 2009. Acrylic with sand on canvas.
A Desert Landscape, 2009. Acrylic with sand on canvas.
Inspired by a biblical story about the legendary Samson of Israel whose hair wasn’t supposed to be cut because his great strength came from his hair, I have explored extensively the use of hair extensions in my artworks. Surprisingly, the idea was worthy a try especially in my own interpretation of idealised or abstract landscapes. In these paintings, I used mixed media such as acrylic on masonite or canvas as well as hair extensions to represent the environment. While hair extensions are soft and silky, they create rough but beautiful texture when pasted and painted onto the canvas or board.
Hair on Art 2009. Acrylic with Hair extensions on board
Hair on Art 2009. Acrylic with Hair extensions on board.
Hair on Art 2010. Acrylic with Hair extensions on board.
Hair on Art 2010. Acrylic with Hair extensions on board.
Hair on Art 2010. Acrylic with Hair extensions on board.
Sometimes I would work on the same painting until the mood I wanted to express is achieved and I would then feel complete. As can be seen in the paintings “Hair on Art”, I have played around with colour in the same subject in order to produce different moods and tone of the same painting.
Hair on Art 2010. Acrylic with Hair extensions on canvas.
Hair on Art 2010. Acrylic with Hair extensions on board.
“A glimmer of hope” paintings attempt to capture the mood of Africans on the announcement that South Africa won a bid to host 2010 World Cup. Indeed, the entire world was stunned.
A glimmer of hope, 2010. Acrylic with canvas on board
A glimmer of hope, 2010. Acrylic with canvas on board
A glimmer of hope, 2010. Acrylic with canvas on board.
The paintings entitled “The universe playing balls” were inspired by 2010 FIFA World Cup. The paintings executed in an abstract way depict different countries that participated in 2010 FIFA World Cup. My approach to my paintings is abstract in the sense that I don’t depict human figures playing soccer balls as we know them. Rather, I placed my balls on hair extensions as if they are heading the balls.
The universe playing balls 2010. Acrylic with, Hair extensions on canvas
The universe playing balls 2010. Acrylic with, Hair extensions on canvas
The universe playing balls 2010. Acrylic with, Hair extensions on canvas
The paintings “Kick Off” just represent different countries as they were anxious and eagerly looking forward to that whistle commanding them to begin the match.
Kick Off 2010. Acrylic on canvas.
Kick Off 2010. Acrylic on canvas.
Kick Off 2010. Acrylic on canvas.
Kick Off 2010. Acrylic on canvas.
The paintings “Flight of a trophy” attempts to capture mixed feelings of whether or not Africa may win 2010 FIFA World Cup. For me, the paintings reflect my reservations.
Flight of a Trophy, 2010. Acrylic on board.
Flight of a Trophy, 2010. Acrylic with Hair extensions on canvas.
Flight of a Trophy, 2010. Acrylic with Hair extensions on canvas.
The paintings “Dancing Colours” capture the mood of the 1980s. The 1980s had far-reaching influence on the youth. Television played an important role in exposing us to various art forms. Entertainment industries, both local and overseas made an important contribution in motivating the youth to aspire to become future artists in the fields of dance, drama and music. To this end, films like ‘Fame’ made a significant contribution to encouraging the youth to want to pursue a career in the performing arts. It was in the same period that ‘Break Dance’ became popular in the townships. My passion to become a professional dancer was inspired by an overseas film, ‘Beat Street’. I was the best dancer in my community. My bigger brother was as good as I was. My younger brother was good in drawing and painting.
I eventually started a group of young dancers that became famous in the township. We were often invited at weddings, parties and at local schools. Our parents were supportive and encouraging for we were directing our energy into something positive. Nothing made us any happier than to dance, dance for our communities. I can recall a profound feeling of satisfaction gained from entertaining people. I recall our audience screaming for more at every performance. To be allowed freedom of expression is so wonderful; with that freedom self-esteem and self-confidence grows at every turn. We were happy against all trying conditions in our communities.
Dancing colours, 2010. Acrylic on board.
Dancing colours, 2010. Acrylic on board.
Dancing colours, 2011. Acrylic on board.
Dancing colours, 2011. Acrylic on board.
A passion for music also developed in the 80s since my father ran music store. I developed a profound sense of appreciating a wide range of art forms. This is depicted in a colourful style in the paintings “Soul rhythms” reflecting my interest in jazz.
Soul rhythms, 2011. Acrylic on board.
Soul rhythms, 2011. Acrylic on board.
While I was struggling with day-to-day challenges and seeming to win the battle, the monster that is depression would rear its ugly head, hence the painting “The Monster” came into being.
The monster, 2011. Acrylic on canvas.
The monster, 2011. Acrylic on canvas.
Lighthouses have been constructed around the world to guide ships sailing in coastal waters. The painting “Lighthouse” depicts my psychiatrist who acted as my guide and symbol of hope during my journey towards recovering from depression I suffered.
Lighthouse, 2011. Acrylic on board.
Lighthouse, 2011. Acrylic on board.
The painting “Full moon” depicts particular phase in my journey towards my emotional healing. Like a full moon I feel complete and at peace with myself.
Full moon, 2011. Acrylic on board.
At the time of completing the project of writing this book I feel relieved and looking forward to utilising this new found energy in a productive way. It’s surprising that the use of art making as the other alternative of dealing with depression has resulted in this book. The whole experience has left me feeling quite energized and breathtaking. The finished paintings seemed to those who viewed them visually pleasing. Some of the paintings got sold.
Other paintings:
